Travel with children is a relatively new field of travel writing. When I first started my travel with family, I became frustrated and over stressed about the idea of being on a plane or in a car for hours with children. What will people think, what about discipline, what about when their little ears just hurt because they don't know how to clear their own ear canal??? It was almost too much to bear! Thankfully, my kids adapted well and we both survived.
Most of these remarks will be in relation to foreign air travel, but can easily be applied to domestic, car, caravan or other travel with smaller children. Teenagers will take some adaptation, but the principles apply to them as well. Americans and Europeans generally do not travel abroad with children, except to specific family areas. That doesn't mean you should not take your children traveling, just be aware of the adult only travel culture. Times are changing, and I hope this, along with other sites, will help usher that change further!
So, how do we manage children who aren't the most well behaved at all hours of the day and night?
1. Focus your attention on making a memory, not sightseeing, and shift your expectations.
Travel, at the very least, serves to enrich our lives through cultural experiences. That experience can be had in another country or across the street, seeing a great work of art or feeding pigeons. It is my opinion that anywhere you go, you will enlarge your viewpoint. Remember, the best memories are not planned but random. We all have thought, "This is the only time in my life that I will be in _____, I want to see everything." Too often we focus on the quantity of travel experiences and not the quality. Perhaps you won't be back, but do you want the fighting and bad memories associated with a packed schedule? Or, conversely, does this mean you let children run around a museum like hooligans? No, absolutely not! Keep the same expectations of respect and courtesy you have at home, change what you expect to DO with kids. Find things they are interested in and keep it age appropriate. You will be so surprised at what they found the most worthwhile on vacation. I prefer to think of this as flexible optimism.
Now I hear you thinking, "Okay, then what CAN we do?"
Read on my friend.
2. Prepare the children.
Your kids will pull out all the stops on holiday, BUT, you'll be surprised at just how adaptable and enthusiastic they can be; especially if your expectations are shifted. If they are old enough, talk about the trip and what there is to do. Learn about the countries: basic history, why this country is important (because every country and culture is!) and have a family night or dinner discussing this. Heck, have two or three of these dinners or family nights. Do your homework, parents. Look for activities you know your children will love, present them, and let each child pick one. Remember, if it is dependent on weather, you might not be able to do it. Who hasn't gotten rained out on vacation? Make sure the kids know that as well. When you research, pick the things that most appeal to your family, and your sanity. Find things unique to the country, city or state you will visit. Double check to see if there are age restrictions. Then, talk about it, often, and get excited. Your excitement will be mirrored in them.
3. Make a list of a few favorites; an item, snack or activity they can do while sitting on a plane.
This means start taking notice of your child's favorite things; foods, snacks, treats, and activities before you go. That sounds like a lot of work. It really isn't. Chances are you know that one snack your kid will do ANYTHING for. My kids have always been bribed by fruit chews. I think they are a little unhealthy with all the sugar, but my kids would eat the entire box of 10 pouches if I let them. I always throw a few in the diaper bag or carry on pack we take for our kids. If we are going foreign for a longer than a week, I might stuff a box worth in my suitcase for padding, and so I can use it where I can't get anymore. Snacks and drinks also help to clear the ear pressure upon take off and landing. Most kids don't notice the pop because they are eating their favorite treat. We've also made guides into friends with such treats, just ask my husband about his peanut butter cup candies and Paraguay. Snacks can also make a great memory.
Also, look for their favorite activities--like play dough, coloring, file folder games, etc.---that can be done in a seat. Whenever you go to the doctor's office do they beg each member of the medical staff for coloring pages or stickers? Mine do. Chances are you can find a mini version of this to take along. Discount dollar stores in the US have inexpensive crayons, dough, stickers and paper, or other amusements that you can pick up cheaply, and throw away when you are done. New things excite children immensely, and you don't have to spend much. Or, if you don't want to pack round trip, buy items at your destination for kids to keep it fresh. A lot of countries do have the equivalent of a dollar store. Check out street fairs and local supermarkets as well. One of our most beloved toys, we picked up on a trip at a street fair.
4. Take a smartphone, tablet, or other electronic device.
My husband and I also have smart phones with games, movies, and music on it. We share with the kids, and have rules about sharing, so we don't have to pack a device for every person. Also, we purchased a couple of earphones and an earphone splitter when we only had one smart phone. Before you go, upload a couple of new games or digital movies onto it before your trip. Earphones are absolutely necessary on a plane, and you need to find ones comfortable enough for their ears. Test drive those before you go. Get rid of the bulky DVD players and DVDs that scratch when you travel and consider a battery pack for your devices instead. This adds to the life of the device when you are out and about which is where you really need it. Yes, we also have educational games on our smartphones too because we are big techno geeks, as if you couldn't tell with all that stuff about the earphone splitter.
A question I'll get by someone who has taken long flights is, "Don't they have movies on the plane?" Yes, however, while most airlines do try to put family friendly programming on movie channels, the latest 'kid' movie might not always be appropriate for your child. I can think of a wonderful kids movie I love about bedroom closet monsters. It terrified my oldest with nightmares for months and my younger child thinks it's really cool. The mobile movies are also for when we are traveling in the country, in cars, buses or trains. Use your best judgment, and carry backup. And, please parents, do keep safety in mind at all times.
5. Always take a pack of emergency essentials, things to do, and a change of clothes onto the plane.
This probably should go without saying, but think of your typical day, and multiply it by two for babies. Does your baby/toddler always have a blow-out or two? Does your school age child always spill their drink, still? What is the bare minimum of things you need to get through a day? This is your range of items. Can you always count on the airlines to get your luggage to you? On our many trips, we have only had our luggage lost ONCE. It just didn't make the connection in Chicago. The airline got it to us the very next day. No big deal, right? WRONG. We were without everything, overnight! This was where we learned the importance of having one bag with a change of clothes for everyone, basic toiletries and overnight essentials (pull-ups and formula anyone?) with us on the plane. If you are still in baby mode, this can be the diaper bag and a pack. (Toddlers need the same.) School age kids can carry their own packs. I still don't have kids old enough to not forget their pack in the airport so my husband and I each carry one. These count as our personal bags.
For more on this, see our other article on what to pack for a weekend.
Another valuable tip for air travel is to wear your heaviest, most comfortable clothing onto the plane; jeans or stretch pants, jacket or sweater, fully enclosed shoes and socks.
6. Be adaptable.
This is the lesson I had to learn the hard way. Sometimes, type 'A' personalities and travel don't mix well. Remember that flexible optimism mentioned in item 1? You need to expect that you will have a good time wherever you go. Hope for the best, and deal with the rest. If you aren't having a good time at a certain activity, the kids probably aren't either, so find something else to do! Some things will be amazing, some just won't, not by any stretch of the imagination. You are never obligated to stay through a bad tour or site. Also, there can always be accidents and unforeseen circumstances in the best of planned itineraries. In some years, you will laugh, but until then; keep your head up, look for help in the right places, stay safe, and be friendly to locals. Use their language to the best of your ability. Ask locals for some family friendly favorites. This will go a long way in solving problems! If you run out of something or it brakes, you can probably find a replacement, if not, just make due. A little chocolate or treat can also help drown sorrows. And as the Aussies say, no worries!
7. Pay attention to health issues.
Again, and I can't stress this enough, make sure you have all the required medications for your family. You won't find these in foreign lands with any dependency. You might not find them domestically in certain areas of the country. If you have prescriptions, take them in your carry on, a small back up in your luggage, and a list with your prescriptions names and generic names with your doctor's contact information. Once, I heard of a parent who forgot to bring an 'epi-pen' for their child with a severe nut allergy. Please don't forget meds for any major health issue that can cause death. Even the most mundane items in your medicine cabinet can be hard to find. For example, I ran out of Saline Solution for my contacts in New Zealand. After about twenty pharmacies and big box stores, I finally found a small bottle, for $20US. I wore my glasses from then on. Even if they speak your language, don't assume they have all the same things you find at home. That little first aid kit in your overnight bag can also be a lifesaver. And before you go, check with your health insurance company to verify coverage in another city, county, state or country.
8. Pay attention to financials and documents.
Keep copies of valuable information in two places. You should have a paper copy of passports, credit cards, itineraries and important documents. I have my husband take care of all the real passports and I carry the copies. Sometimes we even put an extra copy in our luggage or take pictures with our smart phone, depending on where we travel. Whatever system you work out to carry those items, be diligent and vigilant in your assignment. We carry these in either a money belt or neck wallet. If it is non-important documents, you can put them in a file folder in the back of your day pack or suitcase. Find a system that is comfortable for you. Also, be sure to check visa requirements well in advance, as these vary for children traveling with parents or relatives. Notify your banking or credit card institution of the countries/states you will visit in order to use any cards. Check which has the better rate for foreign currency. Always have a little foreign currency on hand when traveling to another country.
9. Make friends with the flight attendants, airline professionals and seatmates.
This can go a LONG way in helping make your journey better.
Flight attendants can make or break a flight. In our experience, we have found that our attitude and friendliness towards them make all the difference. They are people too. Many have flown round trip, for several days, on little sleep. Please don't be overly demanding, calling them to your seat every time you need a little favor. If you are lucky to travel with a partner, use your partner! If you are traveling alone with the kids, you need attendants. Don't lie to them. If you need something for the kids, ask for the kids, and if it is for you, ask for you. Attitude is key. If you say hello, ask how they are, strike up a conversation, they are more likely to help. Don't walk straight onto a plane and start asking for (read: demanding) seat changes, bottle warming, or various other helps. Treat them how you would like to be treated. Our worst flight saw attendants yelling at our children for every minor infraction. To say that more than one acted unprofessionally toward our children is an understatement. This will probably never happen to you. We were on a high stress flight with evacuees at the time. If anything like that does happen, keep calm, don't get angry, and above all, fight fire with kindness. Saying please and thank you in their language is just common courtesy, and if you have your kids do it, watch the smiles. Even the seasoned French ticketing agent couldn't help but smirk at my little American child trying to say "Merci, boucoup!"
Chances are you will have to share a row with another person, not in your family, at least once. I'm not the outgoing one in our family. My husband finds friends all around the world, so, I put him to work. It is his job (and greatest pleasure) to strike up conversations with those around us. We have found seat mates to be our best allies when it comes to distracting the kids, helping to retrieve lost toys and adult conversation. Sure there will always be some you might find annoying, but sometimes, you are in the kid section of the plane and they all have someone to play with. You never know, you might make a friend for your destination. I get to be a little more cautious as the person listening in, and if a stranger makes me uncomfortable in any way, we find a new person to have a conversation with. Please, use your best judgment. I always sit between my kids and another person if possible. Don't have seatmates, truck stop employees or anyone you don't know for more than a year, watch your kids for you. They are, strangers, after all. Please practice common sense safety when it comes to strangers.
10. Figure out your kids schedule before you book, fly, or drive!
I do try to book flights according to my kiddo's sleep schedule. We love to travel during the night, because my kids sleep soundly. If you know it's going to be a struggle, look for a flight that straddles daylight and night hours, as you always need to rest a little during long flights. Try to sleep in shifts with your partner for safety. One of us is always awake, watching the kids. If you look early and frequently enough, you should be able to find what you need. Sometimes, it is in the airport my kids sleep, sometimes on the plane. I also pay attention to eating and potty habits. Every family has habits, whether you are aware of them or not. You know that once that airplane door closes, you are going to have to stay in your seat for taxi, take off and until cruising starts. Often it is only 30 minutes, but it has been longer. Then later, you will need to sit tight for decent and landing. Use the bathroom or check diapers 15 minutes before boarding starts and landing. Use the early seating option for children so you can get situated without disrupting the other passengers, or send a parent ahead to set up the area for the kids. When you've found your seat, pull out the blanket, put sippy cups and snack in the chair pocket, and settle in. If you know your child uses the bathroom upon waking EVERY day, and a half hour after every meal, you already know what to plan for during travel.
And here is a bonus tip:
Above all, relax!
It goes without saying, having your ducks in a row really makes for a relaxing trip. I tried to include a lot of 'what ifs', but relaxing is the most challenging part. When you are relaxed, you are better, your kids act better and discipline is better. When you are relaxed, you are acting, not reacting. The whole purpose of travel (including a move or business trip) is to enjoy the journey. This will help you more than any tool in your arsenal. You are in control of your attitude, and no matter what happens, you can have good travels.
Lastly, if I haven't scared you off yet I just want to give you a little pep talk. I know you are probably thinking this all sounds like a lot of work. Yes, it does. Well, thanks for the pep talk you say! No, no, don't get me wrong. When you are an adult traveling by yourself it is incredibly flexible and easy. So was being single. You got married/partnered for a reason and have children for many of the same reasons; not because it was easy, but because it is worth it! Like any worthwhile endeavor, children take bit of work but they are so worth it! They are wonderful, amazing, and fantastic. Learning to travel with them is much the same as learning to be a parent. You don't always get everything right, but you still get most of it right, do your best and, hopefully, have a great time doing it. Like I said in my first posting, travel has amazed and surprised me, and has been wonderful at the same time!
Find those things that are unique to the places you visit, jump in, try something new and have a ball!
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